I had thought I would write the personal blog on the 1st anniversary of the mass decapitation yesterday. But I totally forgot. Go figure. I guess I had other things on my mind. Like the kitchen sink that got totally clogged yesterday when I put a small piece of tuna down the disposal. Only the disposal side is clogged. So that's a good thing. But it isn't even draining slowly. It is completely clogged. I went to Lowe's and got some Industrial Strength Drain-O that is safe on disposals and it didn't do a thing to the clog. The plunger that I used before that didn't do anything either. All of my plumbing skills have been tested and I still have a big old clog. Now I have a kitchen sink that is full of ground tuna, water and Drain-O. Ugh!
So, now I get to pay the home warranty company another $60 for someone to come out and do five minutes worth of work. I always feel like I haven't gotten my money's worth out of them if they don't spend at least 30 minutes working on my problem and make several trips to their truck. If the guy comes in and two minutes later I hear running water and whistling I feel like I've been taken to the cleaners. Just the other day I was saying how much I miss renting. I used to love it when something broke and I just picked up the phone, called the leasing office and said, my sink's clogged. Thirty minutes later a guy would ring the doorbell, come in and two minutes later I'd hear water running and whistling. Didn't cost me a penny other than what I was already paying in rent.
What I really need is to marry an apartment maintenance man. That would give me the best of both worlds. I'd still be able to paint my walls any color I wanted AND when something broke, I'd just be like.... "Ok, do your thing, maintenance boy...." Of course, I've observed over the years from watching friends and relatives that getting a husband to fix something is not quite as easy as getting an apartment maintenance man to fix something. I guess in a lot of cases the apartment maintenance man is worried about what the leasing manager will tell his parole officer and most of my friends and relatives can't threaten their husbands with ratting them out to a parole officer. It's a pity.
The ideal situation would be to have an apartment maintenance man as a roommate. Then he is paying rent. You don't have the stigmatism of being married to a parolee and stuff gets fixed. You could work out an arrangement where you do the cooking and he fixes anything that breaks. Then if a piece of tuna brought your world to a screeching halt, you could be like, "Ummmm.... no sink - no dinner...." and two minutes later you'd once again hear the sound of running water and whistling.
To make things even better, you'd be getting half of your rent paid and you'd be saving all that money that you normally pay to a home warranty company. Ok, granted the home warranty company doesn't have plumbers butt for you to put up with or bad table manners. But the parolee can also feed the cats when you go out of town. I'm thinking Win-Win as long as you look the other way when he bends over. And if all of that's not enough, you could probably rent him out to your single friends with plumbing problems for like $30 a call. They'd save money using him rather than a home warranty company and it would be like a part time job for you where you don't even actually do anything other than answer the phone when a friend calls with a tuna disposal clog!
So, I think I'll take an ad out in the Dallas Morning News this week and see if I can get some applicants for moving into my guest bedroom and taking care of all my home repairs. Maybe in his spare time, he could paint my walls. This is going to be great!
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