For some people the holidays are torture. Perhaps for you they are not torture. If this is the case, it could be that you are the person torturing others. Think about it. Do you do things that might make others crazy? Perhaps you don't even realize that you do them. Maybe you know that you do them, but you don't realize that it is an annoyance to those who must be around you during the holidays. Here are a few signs to look out for....
Does your mother-in-law have a freakishly large smile with those little aneurysm lines between her eyes from the moment you walk in with your store bought rolls still in the package? Let me lay out the scene, perhaps six months ago, at a family gathering someone said, "where's Thanksgiving going to be this year?" Your husbands mother said, "I was hoping you would all come to our house." Then about three weeks ago, she called you on a Sunday afternoon and said, that the father-in-law really enjoyed those rolls you made for the last get together at your house and asked you to make them and bring them to Thanksgiving. So, now three weeks later, you show up at her house with one package of Mrs. Baird's Bake N' Serve Rolls.... Twelve store bought rolls for 14 people for Thanksgiving.
So, you set the rolls on the kitchen counter and head into the living room following your four children and husband and you sit down on the couch and immediately whip out your IPad and bury your head in it. Around you there is a constant buzz of conversation, but you successfully manage to avoid all contact with your in-laws thanks to the trusty IPad which apparently has the codes for getting into Fort Knox embedded into it with the way you are almost hypnotically staring at it.
Your really big dog with it's really big tail runs through the living room since, you know, you brought it and all four of your precious children run through the living room behind the big dog chasing it because, you know, they're kids and it's a dog. As they all run through, your father-in-law says in an obviously strained voice, "let's not run through the house, kids". You vaguely hear that the FIL has spoken, but it doesn't register what he has said as you get ever closer to those allusive Fort Knox codes.
Your husband, their son and the father of the four kids running through the house, is still conscious since he left his laptop at home, but he chooses to ignore anything other than the football game going on until there is a crash from the kitchen. Then he looks over at you with that look on his face that says "I think YOUR kids broke something". You notice that he has just given you a strange look but still with your head buried in the IPad, you are not sure why. You remain on the couch while he goes into the kitchen with the FIL to try and calm down your now hysterical MIL.
Meanwhile, you are on the couch wondering what all of the screeching is about coming from the kitchen and how anybody can possibly be expected to concentrate on their Fort Knox codes in this house?!?!?!!? Finally, your husband, his dad, your four children and the really big dog with the really big tail all come into the living room and sit down as your husbands siblings and their spouses and children arrive. The other show off women go immediately to the kitchen obviously trying to score brownie points with the MIL. You've been around long enough to know that going into the kitchen and attempting to help out actually has the opposite effect where you are concerned. The woman actually screeches louder whenever you enter the kitchen.....
Finally dinner is served. The food is good, you notice that one of your kids has two rolls on his plate and half of the family has no rolls at all but you don't care. In your mind, you are trying to figure out what you are missing on those pesky Fort Knox codes. Dinner is over, the other women stay behind in the kitchen and start doing the dishes, but you are a firm believer that a kitchen with too many people in it is inefficient, so you do your part by going to the living room and getting back to work on the codes. After all of that turkey, you suddenly feel sleepy.... the codes start to blur. You put the IPad down and stretch out on the couch for just a second.... and wake up two hours later to find that you are sprawled across the couch, four adults are sitting on the floor, your mother-in-law is wiping your kids runny nose and your husband is missing. After an extensive search, you discover that he is in a back bedroom watching the same thing that is on the TV in the other room by himself. You think to yourself, how did I marry into such a strange family and what am I missing on those darn codes???
You force your husband back to the living room where you say your goodbyes, round your kids and the dog up and you all head out to the car. On the way home, you and kids talk about how strange Granny and Grampy always are while your husband turns the radio up just a little louder. You think quietly to yourself, why did that woman make me bring rolls if she didn't even eat one?
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