SPF30 my ASS! I think I have third degree burns on the top of one thigh and on the side of the other thigh! What the hell???? I took the time to spray my SPF30 all over my body. Forget that it was 2... perhaps 3 years old. It should work as long as there is still some in the can, right? I am looking at the can right now and I see no expiration date anywhere! So, to me that means this stuff is just like Buzz Lightyear... "To Infinity and Beyond"!!!!
But there is definitely something wrong here. It seems weird that the spots where I burned yesterday are so splotchy. I am pretty sure that the sunscreen was expired and this is the result. I went and bought some SPF45 on my way home from Frankie's(1) last night since I am supposed to go back to the pool today with another friend. I only have the two burned spots on my entire body. So, it is super freaky. I'm sure it will look really cute in a few days! I think I will use the SPF45 today and probably cover my thighs with a towel. Maybe that will do the trick.
I think that the sunscreen makers are messing with us though. I mean seriously, when I use that spray-on sunscreen it feels just like Off used to feel on my skin when I was a kid. Do you suppose they are just re-packaging old cans of Off and changing the sent so that it doesn't smell so much like Raid? If I spray the sunscreen on and a bug comes near me and dies, I'm writing some strongly worded letters. I also think it is kind of weird that they put SPF30 on a package and we just take their word for it. The stuff in that container could truly be Off or even bacon grease with a coconut scent added to it and we'd just slather it on our bodies and pay nine bucks to do so.
Here's something else regarding poolside issues that puzzles me. When I go to buy swimwear and it is $48, I'm like... "that's not too bad...." But if I go to buy swimwear and get a separate top and bottom and each piece is $24 I think I am getting ripped off!!!!! After all... if all goes according to plan, the top piece covers most of the bottom piece. So, why should that bottom piece cost me as much as the top piece? It's a jip! (Awwww crap! Now I have another problem.... there is no place in the world to look up the word jip/gip.... how do you spell that?) You know what I mean though, right? I'm getting ripped off when I pay the same for the bottom as I do for the top. Then, to make matters worse the cover up costs as much as each of the other two pieces. So, when all is said and done, I have spent $75 at Target for a swimsuit. Again.... I stopped at Target for a bottle of sunscreen, a $9 item and $93 later, I left with not one but two bottles of sunscreen, a new swimsuit (paying as much for the bottom as the top), a cover up and some eye makeup!!!! Really??? Where did the eye makeup come from!?
I swear it would have been cheaper to grow Lycra worms on my patio and weave my own swimsuits from their waste. I would have felt totally fine with spending the $48 bucks on the swimwear if the top was $30 and the bottom was $18. I would have been thinking.... I got to those suckers at Target! But now I feel like the sucker and I think Target got to me. And isn't that what it is really all about? As consumers we want to feel like we are in charge.
As you all know, I was recently laid off by a major retail chain that I shall not name. My former employer is currently trying to change the way that retailing is done. They now offer you the products you want at the price that you always paid but instead of ticketing the swimsuit at $80 and then selling it to you at $48, they now just ticket it at $48. The problem is that we all feel we deserve a deal and if we have to pay the ticketed price it can't be a good deal. However, I do that at Target all the time.
I know that I am comfortable doing this at Target because they are a discounter. So, in my mind, I am thinking if they are a discounter, then this must be a good deal. Even though, I might get home and wonder what I was thinking and whether or not the people pumping the "buy juice" into the building got to me (again). I generally keep what I bought and am happy that I bought it after the initial buyer's remorse passes. The problem with my former employer (who shall not be named) is that they are NOT a discounter. Or at least, the do not market themselves as such currently. So, even though you may be paying the same or less than you would at a discounter, you believe that they should discount it below the ticketed price or else you are being ripped off.
Holy Cow! I think I just figured this out. Maybe I should contact my former employer (who shall not be named) and offer my services as a consultant. I am sure that I could command a mid six figure salary (or better) and get an EVP title since they only hire people at an EVP or higher level these days. The funny thing is that I want things to work out for my former employer (who shall not be named) because after all I still have a pension with them, not to mention, many friends who work for them. The issue is that they need to market themselves as a discounter.... Can you just see "John Change Nickle" rolling over in his grave at that suggestion?
Okay back to the real topic.... I have one more poolside issue to discuss with you before I head out to the pool. Poolside music... are you in or are you out? Wow! When I typed that phrase, my cheekbones sucked in and I sounded just like Heidi Klume in my head. If you don't know what that little aside was about, just google the phrase, "are you in or are you out" and you will get it. Back to the topic at hand.... I am a firm believer in all Jimmy Buffett all the time when at the pool. I take my Ipod and a portable docking station to the pool everytime I go. I must tell you that I live in a 40 year old condo complex in an old part of north Dallas that is about 40% Orthodox Jewish. So I would say that about 90% of the other people living here are retired and only a few ever go to the pool. Most of the community is at synagogue on Saturday's so they don't care what I, the heathen Christian, do on Saturday. So, I guess my question is, am I rude to always go out there and crank the Boat Drinks music up? Tell me what you think. Otherwise, I'm just going to keep blasting Buffett out by the pool.
I should go now so that I can get a thing or two done before I start slathering coconut scented bacon grease on my poor burned legs. Have a great day!
Footnotes: 1. Frankie's is unarguably the greatest Mexican restaurant in the Metroplex. Even my parents agree. Go sometime!
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