Before I started writing this today, I went to Facebook to see what was going on with my friends and what is going on is that they are all losing weight and in big ways! I'm very happy for them. You won't find a bigger cheerleader than me when it comes to beating the "fat gremlins". I hate those little "fat gremlins" and we all need to join forces to eradicate them from the face of the earth. They are evil and they need to die.
For my skinny friends who have never battled the "fat gremlins", they are the little devils who come into your room at night while you are sleeping and totally undo everything good you did during the day. They start by just making you dream about something as innocent as going to dinner with friends. In your dream, you look really thin!!!! So, you order fried shrimp instead of grilled shrimp. If you are getting fried shrimp then you have to get fries and slaw with them, right? But what the hell, it is dream you, and dream you is skinny!!!! Then everybody orders dessert and it would be rude if you just sat there and watched them eat while your mouth watered, so you order the Tiramisu. Then you wake up the next morning and immediately go fry bacon and eggs adding the half pound back on that you worked so hard to take off yesterday.
After you have eaten your four slices of crispy fried bacon and those piping hot over easy fried eggs with toast and a big glass of OJ, you are too full to go for your walk and, what the heck, taking off once or twice a week is good for you, right???? After all, gotta let the ol' body recover from all of that strenuous walking you did yesterday. The last thing we want here is a bad set of knees. So, no exercise for you today! Then the next morning you wake up and hop on the scale ready to start the battle against the hated "fat gremlins" again and you have gained 3 pounds! All because in a dream you ordered fried shrimp instead of grilled shrimp.
Sometimes, you can out maneuver the "fat gremlins". My parents call this willpower. I'm going to have to take their word for that since it's been a long time since I have experienced it. How this works, from what I can recall, is the morning after the "fat gremlin" induced fried shrimp dream, you wake up and think to yourself.... "Wow!!!! Those dream shrimp were pretty good! I think I'll go have half a grapefruit and a healthy portion of plain low fat Greek yogurt now." Then you turn and smile at the non-existent camera and your teeth sparkle just like a 1950's toothpaste commercial. You look just a little like the mom from Pleasantville as this takes place. When you are able to do this, you can faintly hear the distressed cries of evil little "fat gremlins" in the distance.
But the next day, the joke is on you. When you drag yourself out of bed with your stomach grumbling from hunger and stagger to the bathroom scale to see if you really dropped the 5 pounds overnight that you dreamed about, the "fat gremlins" jump on the scale behind you and there has been no change in your weight. You think to yourself, "how can this be? I did everything right yesterday. Why can't I see a difference?" This is when the "fat gremlins" experience one of their biggest victories. The following thought enters your head at this point no matter how hard you try to keep it from coming in..... "If I worked that hard yesterday and did everything right and still did not lose weight, then I may as well just eat whatever I want!" This is a serious blow to a diet. At this point in the weight war, the "fat gremlins" have the clear upper hand.
That's right, I called it a war. I don't think we can mince words anymore. It is a war... ON FAT! We can't let fat win. We must prevail! (If you would like to start humming The Battle Hymn of the Republic right now, that would help me out a little.) In any war there are casualties. In the war on fat, it is usually my self esteem and occasionally, my bathroom scale as I pick it up and throw it across the room.
The reality is that diets just suck. There is nothing to be done about it except to battle the "fat gremlins" day after day with a little support from your friends. I think it is important to note here, that too much support from your friends can sometimes be helpful to the "fat gremlins". There have been several occasions in my life (not recently, mind you) when I have successfully battled the little bastards only to have my friends tell me that I looked great and suggest that perhaps it was time to stop dieting so that I don't lose too much weight. Really???!?!!?!? For me, this means, "Susan, you look like you could use a few platters of fried shrimp!" It's the worst thing anyone can say to me. For me, it would be far less cruel to hear something like, "you look good right now, I hope you are able to maintain it". If you say anything more complimentary than that to me, I am sorry, I don't hear you anyway, because in my mind - just like in cartoons, you have just turned into a big roasted leg of lamb and I'm holding a knife and fork.
Congratulations to my friends who are successfully battling the "fat gremlins" and winning. I hope to be joining your ranks soon. By the way, I won't be blogging tomorrow since I am going to be at a big BBQ eating everything that doesn't get out of my way in Nacogdoches. I'll talk to you again on Monday afternoon! Happy Memorial Day!
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