Day Fifty-Five - No! My Spidey Senses are NOT Tingling!

My schedule is going to be messed up all week.  Not only did yesterday seem like Sunday, but tonight is dinner club and it is normally on a Wednesday!  It may be next weekend before I figure out what day it is.  But it was a great Memorial Day.  All of my family was at Mom and Dad's house except for Jacob who was missed.  I'm thinking about trekking up to Denton one day this week to have lunch with him.  I think it would be fun.

While I was in Nacogdoches, one disturbing thing happened.  I got bit by a spider on my hand.  At least I think I got bit by a spider.  I know to most people this doesn't seem too disturbing.  After all, I am still alive.  Apparently, I still have both of my hands or this typing thing would be going much slower....  But I am terrified of spiders and this is exactly why!  They are sneaky, evil creatures that are so quiet and small and stealth that they can crawl around on your body, find a perfect spot to bite you and do their thing without you ever knowing it until later when your hand turns red, blisters and stings!

So afterwards, you are left to wonder what bit you.  Was it simply an ant?  Maybe it was some kind of evil stinging worm from picking green beans.  Or it might have been the most frightening prospect of all, the creepy crawly spider.  I could deal with the worm or the ant.  After all, how often do you read a story on the internet where someone in Missouri was bitten by a worm while picking green beans and is now missing both arms, both legs and an ear as all of his/her extremities are slowly amputated in hopes of getting ahead of the deadly worm venom????  Never!  That's how often.  You don't hear about that because it only happens with spiders.

What's worse is that people forward photos to you at work of someone's foot three weeks after it was bitten by a spider and you can't even tell that it is a foot anymore!  This is one of the reasons that I never want to go back into a work situation where I sit in an office in front of a computer all day.  I can't deal with the constant spider bite photos that are sailing around through cyberspace all the time!  It is out of control people!  Stop with the spider bite photos!!!!

My possible spider bite is currently red.  Some of the dead skin has peeled away leaving a red spot about the size of a dime.  It currently looks like I had a splinter and removed it with a needle.....  you know, it looks like a small pin prick.  But don't let that fool you.  I am probably only days away from an amputation!

The worst part is, that it is my right hand!  I'm a righty!  This is very bad news.  It could severely impact my ability to throw a good right hook if the need arises.  You guys know how I'm always boxing....  This catastrophe has actually made me think about how many things I do with my right hand that I would not be able to do without it.  When we were kids and were learning to write we absolutely needed our writing hand whether it be left or right.  I broke my right arm in first grade and was a little behind the rest of my class because of it.  (I wish I could tell you how I broke my right arm in first grade, but it is the most controversial story in the entire Meyers family and would take several days of blogging to complete, so let's just leave it at "I broke my right arm."  Maybe I'll open that can of worms on another day.)

Now, we take notes on our cell phones.  If you have one thumb, you can text or take notes on a cell phone fairly adequately.  Currently, I have a grocery list on my cell phone and notes concerning two songs I want to download as well as the brand name of a broccoli slaw that Mom bought a few weeks ago that I liked and didn't want to forget.  One of my nephews keeps a list of things that he thinks are funny on his cell phone.  Sunday night, he added the "buccaneer joke" to that list.  My only surprise was that the joke seemed to be new to him.

Losing my right hand would affect my bowling game at first.  But in all honesty, my bowling game is so bad that it would only be a few weeks before I could be just as good with my left hand as I have ever been with my right.  If I were a person who liked shooting guns, I guess I would need my right hand for that.

There would be a balance issue.  Let's face it.  I have trouble maintaining my balance with all of my limbs in place when I am stone sober.  You start removing limbs and I'll just be flailing around like a fish out of water!  If I lost my hand I would never be able to have another glass of wine because people would always think I had had too much to drink.  I would take one sip of wine and fall over due to my balance issue caused by the lack of a right hand all because of the evil spider and people would be saying, "Oh my God!!!  Susan's drunk!"  See spiders are hateful horrible creatures.

Beyond that I think I would be okay without my right hand other than when people looked at me sympathetically and I felt inclined to explain the loss of my right hand, I would have to re-hash the spider bite which would totally freak me out every time.  Reliving the knowledge that an evil spider crawled onto my hand, nosed around for a good place to bite me, then left before I ever knew what happened would without a doubt be the worst part.

So, you sick people just continue to enjoy your silly little Charlotte's Web story.  I never understood how someone could think a story about an evil spider who talks would be appropriate for small children!  While you're at it, you may as well convince your kids that poison ivy is good too.  Sunday night while I was in distress over my possible spider bite my sister-in-law asked me if my "spidey senses" were tingling....  The joke is going to be on her when my hand falls off.  Have a good laugh Christina!  I think I will go spray some Windex on this spider bite.  Have a good day!