I was just Facebook stalking. I don't do this too often because you know.... I have a life. But this morning I was looking for a topic to write about and if you ever want a topic to write about or that will just make you go...... what the hell???!?!?!?! Just look at what some of your friends are commenting on. I sort of feel like I am stealing a topic because of the way I have obtained this one. So, I will go ahead and tell you that a FB friend of mine commented on the status of a person who I do not know and it appeared in my little sidebar to the right. I was intrigued by the first few words she had written and that was all I could see, so I scrolled over it and read her entire post along with those of her friends. The topic was grocery store etiquette.
Since trips to the grocery store now seem to be one of the high points in my week, I thought I would bring this topic to your attention. If you are one of the people who violates the rules of common courtesy in a grocery store, take notes. I wouldn't even mind if you printed this out and carried it with you for future reference. These issues must be fixed before people are injured in grocery stores, mostly by me. This is merely my attempt to correct the problem for my own selfish reasons.
Rule 1
When you stop in the doorway to the grocery store to get a cart, do so in a quick manner. Put your cell phone down, get the cart, move out of the way before you start to wipe the handle down with the sanitary wipe if you are so inclined to do that. That is all! Do not continue to talk on your cell phone and hold it with one hand while trying to pull a cart out with the other, all while pulling one of those sanitary wipes out of the container and wiping the cart down as if you are taking it into surgery. It has been my experience that constant cell phone talkers think that the cart must be wiped down before they can pull it completely out of the cart in front of it. This is not the case. You can pull it out, with your bare hands, wipe it down and then.... are you ready for this... wipe your hands down as well, since you touched it, all outside of the cart area so that other people can get a cart also!
Rule 2
God Bless you if you shop with small children. You are a stronger person than I am. But if you do shop with your children and you managed to get them all the way into the store without a cart, you can probably move them 5 steps beyond the area where you pick up your cart before placing them securely in that cart. SO GET OUT OF THE WAY before you start buckling little Johnny and Sissy in the cart! We all understand that they are precious cargo and must be buckled in securely. But it might also help to do this in a more expeditious manner if you PUT YOUR CELL PHONE DOWN FOR A MINUTE!!!!! I understand that your friend Kate's husband is a pig and she must talk to you about it. But not while I need to get a cart!
Rule 3
If you see a piece of produce that you have never seen before, chances are that you don't need it for the Hamburger Helper you are cooking tonight. So wait until you get home or at least OUT OF MY WAY before you stop everything and Google it on your cell phone. The fact that you have never heard of Star Anise might indicate that you don't currently need Star Anise. So again, GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Rule 4
Before leaving home, dress as though you might run into your preacher. I don't care if you wear make up or fix your hair before going to the grocery store. But at least wear clothing that covers up all of your bits and pieces. None of us want to lose our appetite while buying groceries due to a glimpse in your direction. This isn't Wal-Mart. I know that because I do not go into Wal-Mart. Please dress appropriately.
Rule 5
During your unending phone conversation over the bananas, watch your mouth. The fact that Kate is okay with you calling her pig of a husband obscene names over the phone doesn't mean that the rest of your reluctant audience is okay with hearing it.
Rule 6
When you get to the meat / seafood department please observe that there are "take a number" devices. "Take a number" devices exist so that you can.... "take a number". Please "take a number" and then GET OUT OF THE WAY! The fact that the "take a number" device exists probably means that other people are meant to "take a number" also. They can't if you park your cart in front of it and then continue your loud conversation with Kate while browsing the meat counter. Also, it is not necessary to park your cart in front of whatever meat you have decided on, marking it as your territory and allowing no one else within 5 feet of it until your number is called. Once you have decided what you want, back off so that other people can shop while you wait for your number to be called. The point of a "take a number" system is that they will call your number, and at that point, you then can take up all of the space at the counter that your little heart desires. At the moment that your number has been called, the spot light is on you, honey!!!! All of your dreams have come true! YOU and only YOU are finally the center of attention! Soak it up! Then GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Rule 7
If the person cooking and passing out meat samples is wearing a microphone and speaking through it, this might indicate to you, that you do not need to stand directly in front of her for more than the time required to get your free sample and recipe. The microphone allows her to speak loudly enough that you can hear her at a distance thus enabling others to also obtain a sample and a copy of her recipe. So, GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Rule 8
Free samples in the wine department are not intended as a free happy hour where you mix and mingle for a few hours eyeing all of the poor unsuspecting men whose wives sent them in for a gallon of milk. If you are interested in the variety of wine being sampled, get a glass and then GET OUT OF THE WAY! You are not required to stand in front of the sample area the entire time you sip your wine. And by the way, if it takes you more than a minute to sip a tablespoon of wine, you have no business sampling it anyway. If you leave a grocery store wine department tipsy or full on drunk, please make your next stop AA because you have a problem!
Rule 8
Free samples in any department..... Oh my.... where do I begin???? Free samples are not intended to replace your meals for the day. They are intended to give you a sample of what the food tastes like so that you can buy it, take it home and cook it yourself. If you notice that the free sample lady starts packing things up and covering everything when you come back for your fourth serving, this could indicate a problem. And don't think that people don't notice that you have begun sending your children over for samples. We can all see that the little heathens are yours.
Rule 9
Count the items in your cart. If you have more than 15 this disqualifies you from the 1-15 item express lane. It is not that complicated. If you have trouble figuring this out, you really shouldn't be out in public in the first place.
Rule 10
Before it is your turn to checkout, please take any and all reusable bags that you brought in with you out and place them on top of your basket so that the checker doesn't bag your order in paper or plastic bags inadvertently resulting in then having to remove all of it and start again.
Rule 11
It is 2012. Learn how to use a debit card. There is no reason for you to write a check at the grocery store anymore. Pay attention while your order is being checked out. Swipe your card before the checker has finished. Then when she is done, all you have to do is approve it. It is okay, if she charges you $100 for a gallon of milk, you still have the opportunity to dispute it before the final approval. This technology stuff is AMAZING!
Rule 12
If it is necessary to push your groceries out of the store in a cart, then please take your cart to a cart return area when you have finished. Lodging it between two cars is not acceptable. Shoving it into the grass is also not acceptable. In fact, doing anything other than taking it either back into the store or to a cart return area is unacceptable. If you are too lazy to put your cart away appropriately, then you should stop buying groceries and sit at home and do without until you have lost enough weight so that you are able to walk the 10 extra steps to the cart return area.
I understand that these rules are harsh and can be very upsetting especially if you happen to be Kate's friend. But for the rest of us, they are called common courtesy. It really shouldn't be necessary to put them in writing since we all should have been taught common courtesy from birth. But obviously, many people today believe that they are starring in their very own movie in which they are the only cast members. They apparently believe that the rest of the world is present only to observe their performance. If any of those people are reading this, let me clue you in..... This is NOT your own personal movie and nobody wants to watch you starring in it. So, get over yourself and GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!
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