I am practically giddy this morning. It is overcast. I haven't watched Good Morning Texas in the last 135 days. Actually, since I also didn't watch it while I was working, I would have to say that it has probably been several years since I have seen it. But I can guarantee that I have not had the TV on at this time of day since I have been unemployed unless it was on Fox News or on a couple of occasions, I may have watched Kelly Rippa. But this morning I feel like I need to get a local weather forecast! So, far this isn't working out for me. There are some "comedians" on it. They don't seem to be that funny and so far, no weather. I'll let you know if conditions on WFAA improve.
In case you are unaware, I spent the last 30 years of my life working in retail. Several years ago, this whole tax free weekend thing began to roll out across the country. Different states do it at different times based on when their schools start. Some states don't participate at all. Every year, right up until the last moment, some states are fighting it out in their state legislature trying to figure out what they are going to do. Texas tax free weekend is this weekend. Can I just tell you something.... This is the deep dark secret that most people will not share with you. YOU DON'T SAVE MONEY BY SHOPPING ON TAX FREE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!
This is without a doubt the worst weekend of the year to be within 5 miles of any major mall, Costco, Sam's, Wal-Mart or Target in Texas. I wouldn't go to a mall on Saturday if my doctor diagnosed me with a deadly disease that could only be cured by going to the mall on tax free weekend. It is just not worth it. Last weekend as you may have read in my blog on Sunday, I went to Stonebriar Mall in Frisco. It was miserable. Now, I must disclose that Stonebriar is one of my five least favorite places in the world on the best of days. On tax free Saturday, I would equate Stonebriar with a middle east war zone. I pick on Stonebriar because it is the mall that I am the most familiar with. I am certain that they will all be equally miserable. Perhaps Northpark will be the least miserable since their normal customer is older and more conservative. But on Saturday, roughly one third of Texas and two thirds of Oklahoma will make it's way to the DFW area in hopes of finding bargains. The bargains won't be any better than they would be on any other BTS weekend. You're big savings this weekend will be the sales tax. In most of North Texas that is 8.25%. That translates to 8 cents on the dollar, or $8.25 per $100. People this "discount" doesn't pay for your gas!!!!!!
If you absolutely must go to the mall this weekend, I would suggest that you take the money that you are going to save on your sales tax and use it to valet park. Otherwise, you will spend at least 1/4 of your day driving around looking for a place to park and then hiking from that parking place into the mall. By the time you get inside, you will be all sweaty, angry and frustrated following the fight with the crazy woman from Little Elm over the one parking space left in the metroplex (which by the way, she got since she had "baby girl" there to hold her earrings so she could fight with you for the parking space). Your car, meanwhile, is double parked at the Chevron station down the street. You'll have to send little Junior back over to the Chevron every half hour for the rest of the day to make sure they don't tow the car.
While Junior is running back and forth to the Chevron, you and Sissy will stand in line at the fitting rooms in the girls department at every store in the mall for at least 30 minutes per garment. Sissy will only be able to find one thing at each store to try on just so that you can go through this process as many times as possible. You might suggest to her, "Sissy, I know you don't like these bootcut jeans, but why don't you try them on anyway just so we will know your size when we find a pair of skinny jeans." She won't do it. Instead she will try on a single pink tee shirt that it turns out she hates. Then at the next store she will try on a single green tee shirt exactly like the pink one that you waited half an hour to try on in the last store. She won't like the green one either.
At the end of the day, you will leave the mall with two white tee shirts and a pair of skinny jeans for Sissy and three pairs of blue jeans for Junior. After the long hike back to the Chevron to pick up the car, you will find out that it was towed just 10 minutes ago. Finally, at midnight, you will be able to pick your car up at the impound lot. It has a fresh new long scratch down the side, but really, who cares? You get in the car to drive home and realize that after all of the driving around the parking lot at the mall looking for a parking place, you are out of gas. With prayers and everyone in the car holding their breath, you manage to make it back to the Chevron where the car was parked all day and since it is the only gas station within 10 miles of the mall you decide to pull in and get gas regardless of the fact that it is $4.15 a gallon.
By the time you get home and calculate your days expenses, you realize that four pairs of blue jeans and two white tee shirts wound up costing $815 when you include the car impound fee, the two meals for three people you had to eat out, gas to and from the mall, not to mention around the parking lot, scratch and dent repairs on the car and the $100 that you actually spent on the clothes. But lucky you! You saved $8.25.
If you have to go to the mall this weekend. Have a good time. I won't see you there. But let me know so that I can pray for you. I wish I could tell you whether or not it will rain while you are at the mall, but that won't be possible since they apparently don't do a weather report during Good Morning Texas. That stupid show is over and I never saw a single weather report. But there were comedians, a girl who wrote a book and self published it and a tax free weekend fashion show no doubt put on by the propaganda mongers at some local mall. Have a good Thursday!
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